I am not keeping up my gratitude! Posted an entry from February yesterday that I never hit publish on. I am doing better than I was a few months ago, but I have to say.....I'm not great. I used to love my job and now it's difficult, reduced to spreadsheets and shipping issues. I need to focus my attention on what matters but right now I can't see the way out. That said, I am thankful......

.....for cbd oil

.....for maddie's reading habit

.....for the huge reimbursement from vacation. 

The vacation thing takes the sting out of the trip. The cbd oil helps a lot but I am still really struggling. I can't let drama with my mom drag me down. I can't let work garbage drag me down. But I do. I need.......I don't even know what I need but I guess the sad fact is that life is not going back to normal. What I had before is gone. And when this pandemic is over....I don't know what will be left. I try to think about what good things could come of this, what good things could happen from all of this. But I am just sad about what is gone. 

I miss going into NYC. I miss thinking S&S was competent. I miss business lunches and dinners! I miss planning things for ALA. I miss putting books into peoples hands and feeling like I was making a difference.

I am a person who needs to feel that I am making a difference.